Credit to Dr. Deborah Hecker, Psychotherapist, Miami, Fla. One of the biggest challenges of the holidays for happily married people is dealing with the need for the holidays to recreate happy times of the past. Another, challenge is dealing with the New Year and the introspection it brings on life and goals for the new year. For divorcing or troubled couples, these feelings are amplified ten-fold. Quite often, the desire to “make it through the holidays” leads to a crystal clear realization that the marriage is not going to work. Dr. Susan Hecker, Psychotherapist from Miami, Florida, wrote in a recent blog that if the holidays have propelled you into accepting divorce, you may be experiencing the following:
Dread of living alone, perhaps for the first time in a long time
Fear of the future, especially anxiety over being alone and/or nervousness over dating and starting a new romantic relationship
An understanding of the fact that your soon-to-be-ex-spouse will be creating a new life for her/himself, and that the new life will include new romantic partners
Realization that you are going to have to create a life for yourself after your divorce
Awareness that if you want to be happy, you are going to have to take charge of your life and find happiness on your own instead of waiting for someone else to provide it
Dr. Hecker recommends counseling to assist you with these concerns. As a divorce lawyer, I recommend you also visit a divorce lawyer the second you feel a worry that your marriage is not working. My philosophy is that “if you are worried that you need a divorce lawyer, you do!” Lets get something straight, though, seeing a divorce lawyer, may actually ease tensions and help you save your marriage. On the other hand, if it is not to be saved, you will have taken action as quickly as you can to protect your rights and perhaps prevent a messy situation.