Signs Spouse Is Having an Affair
The following list is not all-inclusive. Moreover, just because one or more of these signs appear does not mean there is an affair. Innocent spouses, however, should not keep blinders on to the following signs and should be alerted to the possibility of an affair if three or more of these signs are apparent. This list of signs that your spouse is having an affair is based solely upon the life experience of a divorce lawyer and not upon any study, survey or scientific research.
RECENT INTEREST IN WORKING OUT. People tend to try and get in better shape for their new lover. If your spouse starts working out or increases workouts without explanation, this may be a sign of an affair. Note: all people who work out are not having affairs. The change in conduct is the key sign.
RECENT LOSS OF WEIGHT. People want to look good for their lover, so an affair is typically accompanied by a loss of weight.
UNEXPLAINED ABSENCES OR WORK HOURS. People who are having affairs need to carve out time for the affair. They may report having to work long hours or on weekends. They may say they are going somewhere and then be gone for what seems like an inordinate amount of time.
PICKING FIGHTS. People who are having affairs usually have some sense of guilt, whether they are conscious of it or not. In order to transfer the guilt to the innocent party, they have to make them look like the bad guy. So, they start an argument and get the innocent party to fight with them. This gives them justification for their conduct.
SECRETIVE WITH CELL PHONE OR E-MAIL ACCOUNT. It has been said that nearly 25% of people have met their current partner over the internet. People who are having affairs communicate extensively by e-mail, text and cell phone. Cell phone bills will usually reveal exceedingly long calls and calls at inappropriate times such as very late at night or on Sunday morning. People who are communicating by these means will try to conceal these communications. The innocent spouse may come upon the philanderer and catch them quickly exiting a screen on the computer or quickly hanging up the phone. The guilty party will go to great lengths to protect the innocent spouse from access to their cell phone or cell phone bill.
CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH COWORKER. Except for the recent trend in internet relationships, people have affairs with people that they have come to know well in non-threatening situations, such as employment, social activities, children’s activities or school activities. There is no question that the employee/employer relationship can lead to affairs. The reason is that the employee admires the employer and will do whatever it takes to please the employer and anticipate his needs. Of course, this is an attractive combination to the employer. Watch for inappropriate personal communications or relationships, such as the employer becoming very involved with the employee’s family or personal life. Calls at inappropriate times and business trips together can also be red flags.
BUYING PROVOCATIVE OR NEW UNDERWEAR. People who are having affairs want to look sexy with their clothes off so they buy new, or provocative underwear.
NEW CLOTHES PURCHASES WHICH APPEAR TO BE OUT OF CHARACTER. People who are having affairs not only want to look good, but their lover may have a certain taste in clothes which they want to satisfy, so they may buy a new style of clothes.
RESENTFULNESS. People who are having affairs resent the innocent party because they stand in the way of the new relationship.
“MID-LIFE CRISES.” Every person goes through a time in their life when they question the overall direction of their life. This can happen at any time or age. I find that men typically experience this “crisis” at significant age points such as 40 or 50. This questioning of life direction can lead to positive change, but it can also lead to a negative change in values or a desire to have the fun and vitality in life which is perceived to be missing. I have no scientific data to back this statement, but I have found that women face such a crisis around the age of 36. They often find themselves asking themselves, “Is this all there is?”
NEW WILD FRIENDS. New friends can provide a negative influence. If a person has a friend that leads a life of promiscuity or drug or alcohol use, they can influence others to join their lifestyle.
FRIEND WHO IS DIVORCING. People who are divorcing need others with whom to commiserate about their circumstances. Many times relationships will start with two people who are unhappy in their marriages and grow close in comforting each other. The relationship then grows into an affair.
PORNOGRAPHY. People who are having affairs may find the need to satiate their desires with pornography. On the other hand, people who view pornography have a tendency to lose the ability to be satisfied by a normal sexual relationship, thus forcing them outside the marriage.
UNUSUAL SEXUAL CONDUCT. People who are having affairs are bound to change the way they relate to their spouse sexually. This can be manifested in “new moves,” more sex or less sex. The change in sexual pattern is what’s important.
If you think your spouse is having an affair and need to speak with an attorney, contact us now! We can help!